The legendary TJ Wood, of Helix Studios’ SpankThis fame, chimes in with an informative and intriguing very special guest column! And in case you missed it, check out TJ’s previously posted article on his top 10 most spankable celebrities. Enjoy! 🙂
The Top Ten Superhero Spankings That Should Have Happened
Written by TJ Wood
Recently in the movies, and on TV, there have been a plethora of young men in tights, filling our screens with bulging muscles and tight buns in their never-ending battle for truth, justice and the American way.
While they end up being heroes in the long run, each of these boys have misbehaved in one way or another as they journey toward their full potential and responsibilities.
These, then, are my top ten scenes that should’ve have been filmed while telling their stories.
10. Iceman (aka Bobby Drake) played by Shawn Ashmore in the X-men franchise
Mischievous, fair-haired Bobby gave the teachers at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters a bit of a hard time, what with breaking curfew and touching the girl who shouldn’t be touched.
There should have been a scene somewhere within those movies where Wolverine/Logan (played by ripped stud Hugh Jackman) reaches his limit with his charge’s antics and shears Bobby’s pants off with his claws and then proceeds to spank that boy’s ass so hot, he’d need to use his ice powers on it for at least a week!
9. Star-Lord (aka Peter Quill) played by Chris Pratt in Guardians of the Galaxy
The original bad-boy of the universe, I could easily see the scene where smart-mouthed Peter is taken otk by Drax (muscleman Dave Batista) and switched with a piece of Groot, while Rocket Racoon eggs Drax on to go harder and harder! Chris Pratt’s facial expressions alone would speak volumes!
8. Green Lantern (aka Hal Jordan) played by Ryan Reynolds
It’s not hard to imagine Reynolds getting spanked. After all, we’ve seen him in just his tighty-whities, or bare butt, almost every time he’s on screen. Who should spank him? Anyone of us who had to suffer through that God-awful movie!
7. Jimmy Olsen played by Jack Larson on The Adventures of Superman
An old man now, in his youth (back in the days of black-and-white TV), young Larson portrayed quite the naughty boy as Daily Planet photographer and cub reporter Jimmy Olsen. Jimmy was constantly biting off more than he could chew and always getting himself into hot water (although he mostly went along with that bitch Lois Lane’s hairbrained ideas).
Superman (George Reeves) always ended up having to save them both, and while Lois was a lost cause, Jimmy could’ve been taught a lesson and have those plaid trousers ripped off at super-speed and had his butt toasted by the Man of Steel’s bare hands!
6. Iron Man (aka Tony Stark) played by Robert Downey, Jr.
See, the attitude alone is why Tony needs a butt-whuppin’, but never piss of your A.I. (artificial intelligence, y’all). The Jarvis program has been patient with Tony’s tantrums and demands, but in the privacy of Stark tower, long after Pepper has gone to bed, Jarvis snaps, and ensnares Tony as he’s taking off the Iron Man armor, depriving the multi-billionaire of his clothes, as well.
Naked and sweating, Tony is restrained by the wrists and ankles, after going over a stylized, futuristic spanking bench, and paddled well and hard by several different instruments, pistoning on their well oiled, mechanical struts, each swat delivered with unerring accuracy. The truth about Tony? He likes being spanked so much, his own joystick shoots thick load after copious load, coating the gears!
5. Clark Kent played Tom Welling on Smallville
Superman growing up; a Superboy. Well, sometimes those boys need their daddy’s firm hand. After all, he’s a farmboy, for God’s sake. He’s probably used to Pa Kent (good ole boy John Schneider) walking him out to the barn, with his heavy, masculine hand on Clark’s shoulder, telling the boy to pull down his britches and drawers and making that pert, little butt the same color as his one-day-to-be cape!
Truth be told, Jonathan probably has to use a kryptonite paddle, but if you think I’m the first one who has had this thought, check out some of these covers to old Superboy comics.
4. Spiderman (aka Peter Parker) played by Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire
If ever there was a superhero costume that was all about the butt, it’s Spiderman’s. That costume is just made for showing off those well muscled cheeks! But it’s my bet that if Spidey’s nemesis J. Jonah Jameson ( cigar-chomping daddy JK Simmons) ever got a hold of him, he’s bare that butt and put Webhead right over his desk, smacking those luscious buns with a rolled up copy of the Daily Bugle and chortling with glee!
3. Captain America (aka Steve Rogers) played by Chris Evans
If there was ever a butt that needed to be spanked, it belongs to Evans. Tight and taut, those smooth little cheeks are creamy white on a blonde haired boy and that’s unacceptable.
Cap may give off the goody two-shoes routine, but I bet that badass Nick Fury (the frighteningly masculine Samuel L. Jackson) has probably had to teach our WWII refugee a little discipline, something he should be used from his army days in the forties where spanking was practically de rigueur. The contrast of Jackson’s massive dark hands on Evans’ pale ass is made even better as that bubble butt darkens from white to a deep shade of pink! HOT!
2. Robin (aka Dick Grayson) played by Burt Ward, Chris O’Donnell, Joseph Gordon Levitt and Neil Patrick Harris
The idea of Batman spanking Robin is almost cliche. So many artists have rendered their version of the boy wonder getting the otk treatment from his mentor. And why not? The Caped Crusaders’ adventures and the way they dress are practically ripped out of the pages of a BDSM how-to book.